Review: “I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200” – Robert Brockway

January 7, 2026 / January 7, 2026 by nikatichi | Leave a comment

“School is school. When school is bad, it’s still school. All the modifiers in the world won’t change its schoolish nature. School is like sniffing cardboard, or watching a loading screen, or waiting in one of those gross rooms at a tire store while they take all afternoon to change a tire and they have have a Highlights Magazine from 1996 and that toy that’s all bent wires with little blocks on it and everything is so boring that you actually go and mess with that stupid toy, pushing the blocks around around toward no end because the alternative is chewing on your hard plastic seat and the guy at the counter smiles at you like “it’s good to see children playing with the classics” and you can never explain that it’s the worst toy that has been or will ever be and you’re kind of insulted he thinks what you’re having fun instead of practicing mobile apathy and you want to tell him all that but then he’d just say “kids today are so ungrateful” and nothing would ever change so you smile at him anyway and maybe clack the blocks extra hard to give him a little thrill.”

No, not every paragraph in this book is a run-on sentence, but this short rant of endless ‘ands’ perfectly represents its sarcastic tone and overall mood of childhood loneliness; The kind of loneliness that would spur the creation of imaginary friends. Themes of neglect, abandonment, social disorders and general boredom are slathered in a gravy of dark humor. From social disconnect comes imaginary friends, and Robert Brockway’s characters comprise a cast of many, each wildly different from the last.

The story follows 2 protagonists: Ivan, an awkward Ukrainian immigrant that walks around with a dead imaginary friend in his backpack and Kay, a middle-school girl with an autistic penchant for fast food joints. One has capitalized on murdering Imaginary friends while the other is slowly being consumed by her imagination.

It’s a unique and imaginative horror comedy, and as a horror fan that’s seen or read it all over the years, it’s very refreshing. The premise is wildly over the top, but somehow the humor keeps it grounded. Any sharks jumped were at least wearing a silly hat and tethered to a small child.